Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
