those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
