Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
