Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
