Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
