The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
