I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
