Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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