we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
