i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
