he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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