After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
