Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize