every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
