Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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