no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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