I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
