I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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