Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize