I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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