I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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