eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
