I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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