I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
