He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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