hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
