i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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