i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
