In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
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