I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I can text with my tongue
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
