Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
