we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
