woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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