Got a toothbrush?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
