I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
