We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
