Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
