So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So vagazzling was a success
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
