Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
