My nipple is on Facebook.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize