how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have aggressive nipples.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
