when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
