Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I touched a dick in church today
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize