idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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