Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I supernannyed him into submission
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
