pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
