Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
