That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
