Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Randomize
