Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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