Swine flu. Run for my life!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
