JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
