THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
