What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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