i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
