girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize