not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
