I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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