you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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