i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
