i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
