So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
