there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
