the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
