cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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