So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
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