Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
