Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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