she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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