I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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