if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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