I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
