hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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