my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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