Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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