I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
