Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
