oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
