we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
