She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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