this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Found the puke drawer
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
