i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
bring money and cleavage
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
