I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
