i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm always down for nudity.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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