Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
