I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I believe in your delicious
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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