when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
