My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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