God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
