Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
