so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
