I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize